66: Tim & Darcy Kimmel | The Influence of a Grandparent
Tim & Darcy Kimmel | The Influence of a Grandparent
Darcy and Tim Kimmel have a passion for family and together founded Family Matters, a ministry dedicated to “equipping families for every age and stage of life”. Darcy and Tim love to show parents and couples how to apply God’s grace to their marriages and parenting skills.
Tim has authored many books including: Grace Based Parenting, Connecting Church and Home and most recently, Grace Filled Marriage. Tim hosts the Family Matters Minute, a daily one minute radio spot, where he encourages and equips parents to bring the best out of their families.
Through his books, resources, website, blog and radio and TV appearances, Dr. Tim Kimmel has the privilege of impacting millions of homes every year with the life-changing message of God’s grace and hope.
Darcy speaks at marriage and parenting events with her husband Tim. She loves to provide help for parents through the Grace Based Parenting materials, including single parents and blended families. As a writer, Darcy is co-author of several books on parenting, grandparenting and family relationships. Darcy gives parenting advice and helpful family tools in a regular column she writes for the Family Matters Blog.
Tim and Darcy Kimmel join me on the show. We chat about the legacy of a grandparent, setting healthy boundaries, and grand parenting with purpose
2:10 Tell us a little about your family and Family Matters.
9:13 Your children are grown and have kids of their own. Long before becoming grandparents the two of you were thinking about how to impact the generations coming behind you for the kingdom of God. What were some of the “notes” you took about grand parenting prior to becoming a grandparent?
“Grandparents, because of the nature of their generation and their age, have a lot of assets they can contribute, whether it’s a healthy or a fractured home.”
“I think we figured it out. Why grandchildren get along better with the grandparents and sometimes with their own parents is that they share a common source of annoyance.” LOL!!
18:10 What are some ways you grandparent with purpose?
“The first thing we can do is give a blessing to our grandchildren. The way we do that is that we help meet three basic needs that all children have. The need for security, the need for significance and the need for strength.”
“Three specific ways we can bless our grandkids is always use our words and our actions to appeal to one of their one their three basic driving inner needs. Most parents don’t even know their kids have three driving inner needs…. They all need to know they’re secure. They all need to know they’re significant. They all need to know they’re strong or sufficient for the life that they’re facing. We can come alongside them using our words or actions, to always give them a secure love, help build a significant purpose into their life, and to represent a strong hope to them for the future. I mean, that stuff’s gold to a kid.”
“It’s up to us as the older generation to pursue restoration. First of all, we need to ask God to forgive us for the part that we’ve played. We need to go to our children and ask them to forgive us for the part that we’ve played in this breach. Then, we need to forgive ourselves, because we have a bad habit of beating ourselves up for all the things that we know we could have done better. So first, we need to restore a legacy before we can actually give them a legacy.”
“We’re supposed to be the most mature, the most gracious, the most forgiving, the most long suffering, the most encouraging people on the globe the older we get Why? Because we’ve had a front row seat to God’s goodness, the longest.”
24:50 Healthy boundaries are vital for both adult children and grand parents. Do you have any tips for grand parenting with healthy boundaries, yet still being involved and helpful?
“Older generation…start to get cynical. We start to view change as bad. Everything we observe about our grandchildren we have a commentary on….What does that say to our grandchildren? They’re trying to make their way in this new world… If we’re going to have a say in our grandchildren’s life they need to know from us that we appreciate the changes.”
32:51 How can those of us who aren’t grandparents yet, but who are anticipating the role in the near future prepare our hearts for that season?
“The best prepper for grandparenting is to be a person who is consistently guided by God’s truth, but all the while tempered by His grace in how we deal with the people that are close to us.”